Uncertainty

Recently I had a conversation and the topic of what we want came up. That however is a broad topic and can encompass what I want to accomplish for today, big projects for this week or month or even long term goals, so just to say I want this... would not necessarily make it happen.

For anyone who reads this blog or knows me, is aware that I've been looking at my life in terms of 'what I want' from it for a while now. Many times I've felt frustrated because I know people who seem to know just want they want out of life, they seem so focused and know just how to go about getting it. I, on the other hand, look out my window and see a vast and open world full of possibilities and just don't know. The options seem limitless and appealing, but I want to know what is the right path for me, I want to know what is going to work and how to get there - I DO NOT want to wander around trying this and that only find out I am no good (translate=have failed) and need to start over. This is not to say I am not happy for the people I know who have 'found' their path, because I am, I just wish MY time would come. I wish they would impart on me the secret to their enlightenment, I just wish I had the answers for myself.

Recently I mentioned that I had started reading Eckhart Tolle's book A New Earth and had taken it on my vacation to re-read some sections. One that caught my attention (previously overlooked) is a section that discusses change.

"Some changes may look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge."

I had never thought of it like this, but it makes sense to me. My problem with this statement is not the change itself, but the negative look of change. I have struggled with the idea of failure for a very long time. So long, in fact, that I do not remember when it started or even why it is/was such a big deal to me in the first place. I've often been heard saying 'failure is not an option' and been proud to admit that "if I thought there was a chance I would fail...I would rather not attempt the challenge at all." Never once has it occurred to me this logic is faulty, but just a few days ago I saw the gigantic flaw that was smack in the middle and can no longer overlook this.

"When you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life. It means fear is no longer a dominant factor in what you do and no longer prevents you from taking action to initiate change."

I read this and the light was turned on.

I have thought that because I was willing to do things other thought 'scary' or 'unconventional' I was a risk taker, but the truth is I saw the outcome as positive and never had any doubt I wouldn't succeed at the task. This does not however, open me up to change or the possibilities that come with change. Uncertainty is my fear - my paralyzing fear that has stopped me dead in my tracks many times before.

Being aware does not make it disappear into the night, it does however make it less easy to over look when that is my sole reason for not giving an option a try.

Has uncertainty negatively impacted your decisions before?

Home at last!

Last week the family and I embarked on (and yes, I say embarked because it is a journey of wild proportion) a family vacation. Each summer we take the kids back home to visit my side of the family (I don't venture that far south very often) and we spend a few days frolicking in the sun and surf. The kids look forward to this from the time school lets out until it is over.

This year was no exception. The big difference this year was that we decided to pack up the SUV and drive south (14hrs) and visit BOTH sides of the family along the way. I've blogged a bit about it throughout the trip but here is a quick recap of events:

• Drive south
• Hub 'detours' for the longer route (because it was fun..HA)
• Visit his family
• Drive south some more
• Meet up with my family at the beach
• It rained (it NEVER rains in hell...seriously its been 4months without any rain)
• Think because it is cloudy no sunscreen is needed (hub looks like a lobster and I'm branded)
• Run from rain after we get settled at beach
• Drive north, stop and let kids run rampant in hotel pool
• Drive north some more - get home, safe and sound.

I think back to all those parents who have done 'road' trips before me and believe they must be insane. Seriously...I just spent 34 hours total there and back in the car with 3 kids (who liked to tell me "I'm bored.")

The funniest thing about the whole trip (despite my children's antics) would have to be my daughter (who is convinced she is grown). On the way home she was scolded for bothering her sister while she slept. DQ then decides she does not want to 'talk' to me, about 20 minutes later we stop for a restroom break and I'm chatting to her (of which she does not respond) but I only get side glances from her. So I proceed to not speak to her anymore. I wash my hands and walk out without waiting for her. She is kind of thrown for a loop - mom ALWAYS waits for her - 10 minutes into the drive later, she decides she is done and WANTS to talk to me, but I do not answer.

The hub looks at her and says "But I thought you weren't talking to mom?"
DQ responds with "But I want to now."
The hub then thru a succession of conversation bets her that she cannot say MOM for the next 100 miles (we have left of our trip).
OF COURSE DQ takes him up on this offer and proceeds to sing song mom-momma-mommy for the next 30 miles. I couldn't help but laugh at the ingenious of it...she hasn't stopped talking to me since we got home!

Ha...score one for the MOMMA!!!

Monday Madness

1. Speed-do not drive 50 in a 70mph on the highway.
2. Flat tires-pull completely off the road to change your tire.
3. Beer-if I can read "miller lite" as I pass, you should not be drinking it.
What are your driving pet peeves?

To know or Not know...

...That is the question of the day.

A conversation came up today about knowing what lies ahead or what lies in store for each one of us. Obviously we each have free will and can choose our individual paths, BUT if it was possible to know you were headed for trouble would you want to know?

I'm talking more in terms of - if someone said to you..."I can tell you what is going to happen (good or bad and you don't get to choose) and you cannot change it, you cannot stop it, all you can do is know that it is coming and prepare for it ahead of time"... would you really want to know?

A few years back the hub and I lived in Gulfport Ms and had been there for a few years. Hurricanes were not new to us, we had weathered the storm for a few that came near us. Each one someone would say "We'll get ours, we are due" and predictions from weather forcasters said with the increase in activity it was likely. But did we move..no. There was nothing that said "it would happen" but it odds were very likely.

Even as we watched Katrina move closer and closer to land, knowing we were in the path, we did not leave. It was coming and we could not stop it - all we could do was prepare for the damage it would bring. Even at the time, we did not fully comprehend how life would change because of this, but we did what we could to prepare. Looking back, if someone had said "Kel, there is a deadly storm coming that will forever change your life and your family's life," would I have left and headed for safer ground or would I have stayed once again, to weather the storm?

Personally, I believe if it is going to happen then I have no control over that, but I can prepare myself and continue on my journey. Granted, the above is only an example and this situation is hypothetical to say the least, but...if we could know what is up ahead would it really make a difference?

What do you think? Would you want to know?

Road Warriors

I'm started vacation today (or so they tell me) :)
Seriously though, I'm so addicted to blogging that even now here I sit...yes a little late in the day, but hopefully you'll excuse my tardiness. As mentioned previously, we decided to pack up the car and head south for a little fun in the sun with 3 kids in tow. All in all it will be a long (did I mention LONG) drive to get there, but we have a stop a little ways into our trip to visit some additional family.

So far:

Dual DVD player for occupying kids = $200
Snacks to carry in car to decrease stop time = $45
Beach supplies (everyone needed new "toy's") = $50
Gas for 1st half of trip = $140
Extra gas needed because hub got lost = $40
Getting to snuggle with the kids after and hearing them say "I love you!" - Priceless

What's your best road trip memory?

Monday Madness

Recently I did a monday madness about travel and all the wonderful things that come with it, now however we are getting ready for our big family vacation so in honor ... todays will be

Monday Madness - Summer Vacation

1. Drive or Fly. Growing up, we never flew anywhere, then when my daughter was small, we flew because it was much easier with a baby than to drive 10+ hours. Now...prices are so high, we are back to driving.
(We like to call it old school - the parents could do it, why can't we?)

2. Gas. Seriously - need I say more?
(Everything that goes up, must come down .... right?)

3. House cleaning. Is there any logic behind cleaning the house right before you leave for vacation?
(We don't even get to enjoy it because we're gone and when we get home it only lasts long enough for us to drop our stuff on the floor.)

4. Shopping. Nope, not the kind done while ON vacation, but the kind you do right before you leave because you NEED all this extra stuff for the trip?
(Yep, I'm at wal-mart at 7am this morning, getting snacks and last minute things for the drive there.)

Do you have quirks when it comes to summer vacations and preparing for them?

TGIF!!

Can you believe it is finally Friday??

If you're anything like me, it took too long to get here and won't be here long enough. Good news is that Wall-E hit theaters today and I'M EXCITED!

Yep, that's right, me...not the kids...just me. (I'm a dork, I know)

I've been reading about it this week (almost as good as Sex in the City, but not quite) and it has gotten really good reviews. Everyone keeps referring to it as a relatively 'silent' movie, but that is only because the robots don't have traditional people voices, they are ROBOTS...they communicate with robot sounds. It is said that there are thousands of sounds in the movie to convey how they feel.
I can't wait.I am a HUGE fan of PIXAR films...why? Because they always have a 'pre-cartoon' and usually I laugh more than I do in the actual film. Have you ever seen the For the Birds cartoon shown before Monsters Inc. I think it's funny and yes, I have watched it numerous times...each time I still laugh till I cry.

Anyhow. It's Friday and I'm off. Enjoy your weekend!

What's your favorite funny movie?