Tears fall like steady rain trying deseperately trying to was away the anger I feel at what I cannot control.  The anger that I try feverishly to disguise into anything but what it is….but the truth always finds a way out.  Things I should say are locked behind my desire to protect.  Things I shouldn’t say are said behind closed doors, muffled by running water because sometimes the ugliness must come out or it will eat you alive.

What do I say?  What truths do I share?  What facts are truely facts and not just slanted views because it is a one sided view?  So much I wanted to believe had changed and yet so much is no further from where we started…

It hurts some days so much that the pain pushes me further into seclusion of my own world for fear that I might say something I cannot take back.  It hurts to think this is happening around me and I am powerless to protect…powerless to stop it…powerless to know which road is the right one and which words I am supposed to say to stop the pain.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have ever started down this road…

Perhaps I shouldn’t have ever thought things would be different…

Perhaps I shouldn’t have let it go on this long before attempting to right a wrong…

Perhaps I shouldn’t have done a lot of things I have done, but the past is gone and now I live with what is.

I just wish I knew what ‘is’ for certain.